Continuing on my “quest”, I dragged my kickball damaged carcass out of bed this morning and stumbled off to my fattie meeting. (Weight Watchers). I was expecting 2-2.5 pounds gone. I’ve been true to the program, I’ve been hungry some … never felt “full”, stayed within my points (plus) limits… I was the poster child for 43 year old kickball pitching, running because the weather sucks and your bike wheel is broken computer geeks. I had mad game…
I step up on the scale – the moment of truth…. well, no, it’s going to be delayed by the class leader trying to explain to me that her friend uses weight watchers on her iPad … which if you have logged into weight watchers – it’s Adobe Flash – and Steve decided Flash didn’t need to work on his products – SO… that’s not going to happen. Anyway… “she knows a lot about computers” so I should listen to her…. (i may be shopping for a new meeting place). ANYWAY … the number is… 1.4 pounds. Man – I wanted 2. I was upset. I stayed for the meeting. I enjoyed it, but wanted to go to get a hunk of junk. (That’s aussie for a donut or some other junk food. Actually… it’s Scott for a donut or something like that, but we will blame it on the Aussies – they probably wont be too upset or even know).
ANYWAY … I get home and decide to make my breakfast. I think about a bowl of cocoa puffs, but opt for my eggs which fit into my plan pretty well. I get them all made, sit down and plug my weight into my weightwatchers online thing. As I hit the “Ok” button, a HUGE star flashes up on my screen and says in big letters “CONGRATULATIONS! You have achieved your first milestone! You have lost 5 pounds!” Suddenly, it all felt a little (lot) better.
We all have our crosses to bear (did I spell that right?) but I have to say … Weight loss is one of the hardest challenges of my life. Society, history, internal desires… its all a battle on a daily basis. You can scroll back through three years of my blog and realize its a recurring theme. I’ve quit drinking for almost 24 years, I haven’t smoked in over 23 years. I can decide I am going to ride my bicycle 50 days straight and do it, if I decided I was going to ride across Georgia, the US, Russia, Europe, Australia? No problem. Running … I don’t even LIKE it but I ran 100 miles in a month. I’m trying to peal back the onion on why I cant stop eating – but all I find is crap. Crap food, crap I’m afraid of, crap that I think a slice of pizza will help me with… Truth be told, food is just fuel. If I could believe that in my inner core and minimize it’s effect on my life, I would probably be doing great. Unfortunately – food can make me “feel better”, it can help with boredom, it can fill time on a conference call, it can change my mood, it can do so much else… I hope and pray that this “attempt” works, but I’m a realist … The thing that sucks is – TYPICALLY after my first 5 pounds, I can see the light and figure “I can do this!” I then lose 20, 30, 40, 50… only to put back on 10, 20, 30… Hopefully I can break the chains here and stay motivated!
Okay – so that paragraph made me think too much and now I am grumpy about it. Three positives and I’m off to experience my day! First and foremost – I am doing the right thing TODAY! I put it all together for nearly 2 weeks, lost 6.6 pounds and SHOULD BE HAPPY! Secondly, I’m one of the fittest fat dudes around! I may be overweight, but I still can hang… running 5+ miles, riding 40+ miles … not many fatties do that on a DAILY basis. Finally – while my wife and kids don’t completely understand it all, they do support me in this. I’m not alone – even though I often feel that way inside. As Kermit the Frog would say…. It’s not easy being green!