I’m conflicted – wrapped up in a conundrum – twisted around my axle – a bit bunched if you will.
My whole life, I’ve done things. Some things I’ve done very well, other things I’ve just done. The problem is that SOME things – I can’t “just do it”. Confused yet? Welcome to the inner fuzzy zone in my brain.
Let me give you an example… I don’t like to ride unless I am “riding a lot”. If I can’t get out and ride 5-7 times a week, I would rather not be riding. That is basically pretty stupid in many ways. I mean, if I can’t ride 5 days a week, I could enjoy the fitness, fun, freedom and all that FOUR times a week… or even THREE times a week… but NO…. if I am not ‘training’ and ‘focused’ I drift farther and farther from my good habits by the moment.
Why am I all twisted up about this? It’s stupid – but … it’s bugging me so I am venting. As you know, I am trying to drink “more water”. Now, I’m going to be honest – unless I ride – a GLASS of water on a weekend is more than I drank last weekend. If I don’t drink a GALLON of water at work – I feel like I failed for the day. Yesterday, I drank about 48-64 oz at work and then had 3 x 22-24oz glasses in the evening. This morning, I was like “Ugh… I already screwed up the week yesterday”.
I need to read this and some how beat it into my thick skull: It’s not a freeking race. It’s not a competition to drink more than yesterday. It’s a quest to be healthier. Everything you do that is BETTER than before is GOOD! Good is GOOD! It’s ALRIGHT not be part Nemo!
These simple, self destructive thoughts often knock me off my positive train of thought and send my life back to the way it was (the way that makes me fat). This blog entry may suck for you guys – but it was really therapeutic for me. I drank SOME water – not all of my water. I took a few deep breaths and now I think I will see if riding today is an option. Weather is looking lame.